It's no secret that I love One Direction. I've been a fan of boy bands for the last 16 years, which I've always been candid about to everyone I've met. But, for a time, I had a phase when I was into, quote, unquote, British indie bands. It definitely had something to do with their accents and tousled hair and general obscurity. In high school, I'd sit in my room for hours watching Burberry acoustic videos on a loop. It was my side schtick when I wasn't entrenched in the scene or fawning over 1D's "Gotta Be You" music video.
Pegasus Bridge is one of my favorite bands of all time, which is one of my most well-kept secrets. They broke up in 2011, but the music they did make in the short span of their existence represented everything I loved during that period of adolescence. I know this sounds very hipster, but one of the main reasons I loved them was that they weren't mainstream (in America, at least). It felt like their songs spoke to me and me alone, so I rarely shared any mention of them to my friends. I was just young and selfish. One of their songs called "Ribena" (just FYI, Ribena is a English soft drink brand) is especially angsty and it goes something like:
"Oh no darling, don't forget that I'm still the same boy. But now I drink coffee, not just Ribena, and I like it, I like it."
There isn't a day that goes by lately that I don't miss being a teenager who would listen to Pegasus Bridge on her hand-me-down iPod nano, thinking she was the coolest girl in Weston Ranch.
Now, I think I'm grappling with the fear that comes with an onslaught of impending change. I'm gearing up for a new phase of life that I've been dreading since my first year of college. Going on interviews for "real" jobs, the grueling touch-and-go period of waiting for good news from employers, deciding whether or not this offer will be the one for me... all of it terrifies me and even though I'm here in England, having the time of my life, it's always there in the back of my mind.
A part of me is yearning for when times were simpler, when I knew all I wanted was to get as far away as possible from Stockton and to go to Cal to study business.
Earlier this afternoon, I found bottles of Ribena at the library cafe, so I bought one of the mango-lime variety. I sipped my Ribena today and thought about how Edward Turner's voice still speaks to me like it did half a decade ago.